Bereavement Program

Losing a child is devastating. Our team understands that every family will prepare for and mourn the death of their baby in a different way, and we are by your side every step of the way.

Understanding Grief

It is important for families facing a terminal illness or coping with recent loss to understand grief and death and how it impacts family members of all ages. People respond to loss in different ways, and no two people grieve the same way. Below are some different ways that people cope with loss and grief. Remember that it is normal for people to fluctuate between different stages as they grieve.

Grief/Bereavement Support

Having a child with a terminal illness can be very emotional and overwhelming for parents. If the patient is hospitalized, a child life specialist is specially trained to talk with patients and/or siblings about death/dying. Please contact your nurse if you need to speak with the child life specialist on the floor. The child life department can also provide hand prints/footprints of the patient whenever the family is comfortable with it being done.

CHOC’s social services team offers a support group for English- and Spanish-speaking families who have lost a child.

Making Tough Decisions

When a child is nearing the end of life, parents are faced with many tough decisions. We offer families the help and support they need to make those difficult decisions by providing them with access to our physicians, nurses, social workers, psychologists and chaplain who can provide a great deal of insight medically, emotionally and spiritually. Not only can we discuss the child’s medical prognosis now and, in the future, but we can provide guidance and perspectives on how to celebrate your child’s life in ways that will be meaningful for the family.

Making Final Moments Special

Our NICU team ensures that the baby’s final moments with his or her family and friends are special. We can make arrangements for extended family, friends and clergy to be with you for support and comfort. We understand that the end-of-life and grieving processes are very different for every family and we honor those differences and encourage families to make their time with their baby their own. Many families choose to bathe, baptize or dress their baby in special clothing often provided by the volunteers through Threads of Love.

Making Special Memories a Reality

Our team works hard to ensure families have the opportunities to create special memories of their beautiful baby. We provide each family with a memory box and offer a variety of other ways to memorialize their baby. We partner with the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Foundation, a network of professional photographers who help families capture their babies’ precious moments before or after their passing.

How a Child Handles Grief and Death

Children grieve differently than adults. While each child will react differently to loss based on personality and age, these are a few common signs to help recognize grief:

• Separation anxiety — child becomes “clingy;” has trouble saying “goodbye” to loved one; fears leaving his or her parent, even for a short time.
• Regression — child reverts to bedwetting or thumb-sucking.
• Impatience — child becomes overly frustrated and angered during the course of daily activities.
• Withdrawal — child becomes unemotional, separates from his or her friends and family.
• Inattentive — child has trouble focusing in school.
• Protectiveness — child acts paternally towards his or her siblings.

If you should notice any of these signs with your child, this may be an opportunity to talk with your child about death. Books can also be a great tool/resource for kids to open the communication on this subject. Take a look at our list of books that will address this topic for different age groups.

For a child to accept death and have a complete understanding of death. Developmental level plays an important role in how a child with truly grasp death. Not all children will understand death in the same way.

Resources Now and In the Future

Our nurses and social workers are available to provide families with the resources they may need to plan a funeral or other final arrangements for their baby. Our social workers can also connect families with support groups and other bereavement resources within their community.